I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
