well I can't set my house on fire every night
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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