shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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