why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
