Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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