Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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