i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
