My room smells like vodka and shame
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
