What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
