I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
