Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
