.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
