So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
