ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
