All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Sext me about skeletons
Pants are for mortals
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
