I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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