I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
