can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
