I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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