Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
