yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
