I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
