my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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