I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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