are you so shy because you have an std?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
