I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
