It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
