My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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