I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
This is the prime rib incident all over again
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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