STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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