I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
