Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
