No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
