im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
