I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
false alarm, still single
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