i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
