we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
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