Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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