we have officially lost it.
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
