sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
