Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
