Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
