She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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