I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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