I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
