so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
