I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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