when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
