I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
two words...techno handjob
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
