i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
