i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
