I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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