Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
