today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
